Love Thy Neighbor: A Story from Barnabas

I had originally written this for the website 43 People, but, as it is one of my favorite Carolyn stories and I now have this wee blog, I decided to "reprint" it here. Enjoy!


One of my favorite stories about Carolyn Arends is one that she related in 2005 at Barnabas Family Ministries on Keats Island, BC. The theme of that week’s retreat was “What Love Looks Like.” That also happens to be the title of one of her best songs.

Anyway, Carolyn was talking about the neighborhood where she lived (at the time). She and her husband had carefully picked this particular cul-de-sac because it was filled with young families and offered the chance for their children to grow up with the same group of playmates in a safe environment. They bought this house, and, one-by-one, the other families started to sell their houses and move away (presumably this was not because of the Arendses). In the place of the young families, people started moving in with, shall we say, less desirable occupations and household structures. To wit, what Carolyn fancifully and ruefully described as “horticulturalists” moved in next door, and the potted plants they were growing sure weren’t begonias.

Well, as these things happen, there was a police raid and their neighbor was taken to jail. Carolyn and her husband were furious with this particular man, since he was contributing to making their carefully chosen neighborhood unsafe and horrible for their children.

Then, when the neighbor was released, Carolyn saw him outside the next day, weeding (no pun meant here) the common mailbox block in the middle of their cul-de-sac. Every time one of the residents would approach to get his mail, the neighbor would apologize for his misdeeds while crying. Carolyn, though still angry, suddenly saw the hopelessness and despondency of this man—his humanness and frailty—and realized with a sigh that “this is my neighbor.”

This story really has stayed with me. Sometimes it’s easier to be a Good Samaritan and love the helpless, bleeding man on the side of the road than it is to want to reach out to someone who is actively and perceptively making your life a harder, more scary and uncertain place. But, to whom are you a neighbor? Surely, while being a neighbor to the stranger in distress is important, being a neighbor to those who have been placed in your life on a more consistent basis is even more important (and much more difficult). Anyway, it was a great illustration of a tough precept and one of the first that comes to mind when asked to share a story about my favorite singer/songwriter, Carolyn Arends.