Simply Reaching

One of everyone's favorite Carolyn Arends songs has to be "Reaching". I've been thinking about the lyrics lately; the've been swirling around in my head, along with "I'm Not That Girl" from Wicked, Steely Dan's "Deacon Blues" and my own rewrite of that song, "Deacon's Redemption".

But I'm not sure why - why those lyrics?

Maybe it's because I'm 51, heading into the next phase of life now that my youngest son is away at school. That phase, of course, is when all of your children have moved out on their own. You might not be there yet, but I am. The kids are in southern Illinois, Michigan, western Illinois and, next week, Prague.

You see, I've reached the future, and I think I'm beginning to reach for the past. Everyone says that your kids will grow faster than you can imagine, and that you need to enjoy them while they're young. But no matter who tells you what, life happens, and you get busy, and they've grown. And out on their own.

Maybe one of the things that is bothering me most is that I haven't always had the "right words to say". The words have often stayed "out of reach". Not that I wanted to be more of a friend to my kids than a father. No, a father needs to be a father first, with all of the things that implies - work hard, provide for your family, give the kids a good education, take them to church, encourage them to participate in music, drama, and the arts, love them out loud and love their mother.

I understand that there's more than one "quiet ache" - not only is there the yearning for the Divine, there's a yearning for a bit of quiet time to simply sit and reflect on what's happened and what is happening in your life, both with regard to yourself and your loved ones. That doesn't come often, and is almost certainly followed by a yearning for the way things might have been. As Elphaba (the green witch in Wicked) sings it, "Every so often we long to steal to the land of what might have been, but that doesn't soften the ache we feel when reality sets back in."

I take comfort in my faith in God. I know that whatever happens in this life, I'll be together with my loved ones in the next. And, believe me, I'm in no hurry to get there. There's so much left to do, in terms of work and living and writing and giving praise to God through music. And when I concentrate on those things, when I simply live life, the ache isn't as noticable, though it's still there.

There's no doubt I'll keep reflecting on those lyrics. They're floating around in there for some reason. And I'll love my family out loud, because that's the thing to do. And I suppose I'll have questions, and aches, until I see the face of God. As the "redeemed Deacon" says:

I learned to love the Lord and pray
Think about Him every day
Drink His word in, like a song
It's He who makes me strong

Strong in thought, strong in Word, strong indeed . . .

Carolyn and Sadie: Kicking It Barnabas Style

Okay, so I've been a very bad blogging fan of late, and I'm sorry (or, in Canada, "sorey").
(And "sorey" about the spacing between some of the paragraphs, too. I can't get this to work correctly, and I'm fed up with it.)

I owe at least a mini-post on the Barnabas Experience 2007.

Camp this year was amazing as always, though, surprisingly, less Carolyn-oriented than in the past. This is due to our now visiting Barnabas (on Keats Island, BC) as seasoned campers and not so much as odd groupies (at least I am hoping that that is the vibe we're giving off). Carolyn and Mark make a fantastic team, and I hope that they continue this partnership for many years as Barnabas presenters. They're very funny and engaging together, and Jason and I both learned a lot from what they had to say. We shall ponder these things in our hearts.

Carolyn said that she has been so busy lately that she's only written one song this year (weeping and gnashing of teeth from the fan base ensues *now*), but WOW what a song! She sang it at camp, and I cried. I cry at a lot of Carolyn's songs, no matter how many times I've heard them or sung along to them. I'm only sharing this with you, because we are all so closely knit here. I hope this new song comes out as a download soon, if Carolyn has no albums currently in the works. It's one that has stuck with me, though I know I'm remembering it incorrectly. I want to learn it by heart.

The most disconcerting thing at camp was that Carolyn took me to school for what I wrote a while back on this blog about "Just Pretending." I haven't a clue as to how she discovered this site (it's after page ten on a Google search, I well know), and I was rather sad that she did. Not because I'm ashamed of this blog, nor do I regret writing out a disagreement with her lyrics or sentiment, but, rather, just because I wanted a place where I and other fans would always feel free really to talk about her creative work without the shadow of Rose or Carolyn hanging over the discussion. I think Carolyn's music is so important and so relevant that it can be looked at from any kind of angle and its merit will hold.

Anyway, Carolyn thinks I missed the point of "Just Pretending." I'm not so sure. I think I understand the first layer of message that she was conveying; but I was simply, in my critique, unearthing some other layers that she may or may not have intended. Of course, this is the problem and power of art -- the piece offered by the artist in one light may be heard by the listener (seen by the viewer, interpreted by the reader, etc.) in an entirely different voltage. That's one of the most frustrating parts of taking college English courses -- if you get something out of a novel that your teacher does not see, or you fail to see something your prof finds obvious, well, red marks are made, marginalia is written, and office hours are spent in fruitless argument.

Now, until something better comes up, I am going to be teased without mercy about my supposed dislike of "Just Pretending." I think I'll go tip over a canoe.

I was fortunate to have more in-depth conversations with Spencer Capier and his wife, Kikine (who does fascinating work with cancer drug research), and we shared a Parents' Dinner table with Carolyn and Mark, so I got to hear about the trip to Japan. But, really, there is not much more to tell than that.

It really is an edifying experience that is so different from a concert (though there was one of those at the end of the week) to spend an extended time with the Arendses and other thoughtful, prayerful, scholarly, genuine Christian men and women. Rob and Kathy Bentall who founded and maintain this wonderful ministry on so very many footsteps of faith astound and humble me. Barnabas is a blessing.

I got these nice pics of Carolyn and Sadie at camp. Enjoy!

Yep, that's Mark "Von Dutch" Arends in the background working the security detail for Canada's favourite rock star.

Moments caught like old hair styles

The Gospel Music Channel was recently added to my cable lineup. Every Tueday night, the channel has a show, The Best of the Doves which I watch (or dvr for later). It's fun to get a blast from the past- the music, the clothes, the hair. With each show I wonder if Carolyn might be included.So tonight, I was watching the show I recorded on 6/5 and Steven Curtis Chapman introduced a segment with these words.."...in the early years the genre was dominated by solo acts, many of whom paved the way for many of today's Christian acts..." Cut to clips of Russ Taft, Twila Paris, Charlie Peacock, Cindy Morgan, Amy Grant, Michael W. Smith, and, wait for it.....from 1996...CAROLYN ARENDS with Spencer right next to her.

SWEET!!!!!

And speaking of old hair styles.....

Ask and Ye Shall Receive!

Author, Carolyn fan, and all-around nice fellow, Brendt Waters, has posted on his blog the lengthy interview he did with Carolyn Arends in 1995.

Read and enjoy and leave him nice comments!

P.S. Ya gotta love a guy who gets his blog up and running before his bread-and-butter website.

Love Thy Neighbor: A Story from Barnabas

I had originally written this for the website 43 People, but, as it is one of my favorite Carolyn stories and I now have this wee blog, I decided to "reprint" it here. Enjoy!


One of my favorite stories about Carolyn Arends is one that she related in 2005 at Barnabas Family Ministries on Keats Island, BC. The theme of that week’s retreat was “What Love Looks Like.” That also happens to be the title of one of her best songs.

Anyway, Carolyn was talking about the neighborhood where she lived (at the time). She and her husband had carefully picked this particular cul-de-sac because it was filled with young families and offered the chance for their children to grow up with the same group of playmates in a safe environment. They bought this house, and, one-by-one, the other families started to sell their houses and move away (presumably this was not because of the Arendses). In the place of the young families, people started moving in with, shall we say, less desirable occupations and household structures. To wit, what Carolyn fancifully and ruefully described as “horticulturalists” moved in next door, and the potted plants they were growing sure weren’t begonias.

Well, as these things happen, there was a police raid and their neighbor was taken to jail. Carolyn and her husband were furious with this particular man, since he was contributing to making their carefully chosen neighborhood unsafe and horrible for their children.

Then, when the neighbor was released, Carolyn saw him outside the next day, weeding (no pun meant here) the common mailbox block in the middle of their cul-de-sac. Every time one of the residents would approach to get his mail, the neighbor would apologize for his misdeeds while crying. Carolyn, though still angry, suddenly saw the hopelessness and despondency of this man—his humanness and frailty—and realized with a sigh that “this is my neighbor.”

This story really has stayed with me. Sometimes it’s easier to be a Good Samaritan and love the helpless, bleeding man on the side of the road than it is to want to reach out to someone who is actively and perceptively making your life a harder, more scary and uncertain place. But, to whom are you a neighbor? Surely, while being a neighbor to the stranger in distress is important, being a neighbor to those who have been placed in your life on a more consistent basis is even more important (and much more difficult). Anyway, it was a great illustration of a tough precept and one of the first that comes to mind when asked to share a story about my favorite singer/songwriter, Carolyn Arends.

How's the Sound Out There?

Well, this guy, Brendt, whose unusually-spelled name makes it seem vaguely familiar to my eyes, has posted an interesting little essay about the first interview he ever did -- for a now-defunct on-line Christian music magazine. Guess who his first interviewee was?

Since I'm posting this information here, you've probably guessed by now.

Okay, enough of the suspense -- it was Carolyn! Right before the release of her first album (all together now: I Can Hear You) and her first tour (with -- let's proclaim in unison -- Rich Mullins and Ashley Cleveland) he got to interview her for three hours.

I'd like to find that interview someday. Of course, I'd also like to know what the missing six verses of "Seize the Day" sounded like, too.

Ah well, go to the link and give it a read. Enjoy!

A Chance to Play Fetch

This is an involved, but I think very funny, story that requires two pieces of background information. Because the first of those is knowledge of Carolyn Arends's B-Side, "A Chance to Dance," which is a lot more difficult to explain than the second, I'll write this story for Carolyn's fans.

"A Chance to Dance" was written by Carolyn Arends for a "The West Wing" episode. Apparently, there was a character on this show that was in the very early stages of a new relationship with someone who then died unexpectedly. I never have watched that program, but the scenario is evident by Carolyn's lyrics: Now you're gone/What am I supposed to do?/I was just getting good at loving you/So how do I let go/Of what I never got to hold?/We never even had a chance to dance.

Sadie, my daughter who has a very definite morbid streak in her, absolutely loves this song. She's always asking me to play the song "about the woman whose husband* died before they got to dance." Then, she sits back with an euphoric expression and drinks in the sad, wistful words and the emotional music.

One day, while we were listening to this song again in the car, Sadie sighed and said, "I love this song. It makes me think of Jingles." My jaw dropped. "What?" I exclaimed.

Jingles was Rylee's dog. More exactly, Jingles was Rylee's mom and dad's dog. Rylee is the little baby girl we nanny part-time. When we first started to watch her, we'd go over to her house and see Jingles there -- eighteen years old, senile, and incontinent. Now, Sadie loves dogs. She dreams of them, seeks them out, and longs for one of her own. She was so excited that Rylee had a dog -- a dog we could visit with anytime.

But, you see, Jingles was so very old and rather sick. She had to wear a diaper in the house and spend most of her day locked in the family's downstairs bathroom. She was getting grumpy and nippy, in the way that dogs do when their losses of smell and hearing are leaving them feeling vulnerable and scared. With tears and sorrow, two months after we started watching Rylee, her mom and dad made the decision to put Jingles to sleep.

Eventually, I had to tell Sadie that the next time we went to Rylee's house Jingles would not be there. Sadie cried and cried, but she became reconciled to it by the next morning. I'll admit that I did not spend any more time or thought on that aged canine. Not so Sadie.

Apparently, when Sadie had first been introduced to Jingles, she began to make plans about their future fun together. The thwarting of those plans by cruel mortality affected her deeply. In the anguished reflections of what-had-never-been that Carolyn wrote for a television character, Sadie found an outlet for her grief. And so, when Sadie mentioned that the song reminded her of Jingles, upon my questioning her, she added this:

"I think of Jingles, because we never had a chance to play fetch together; and I never got to pet her and brush her; and I never got to feed her treats or take her for a walk."

And, while I was impressed with her transference of a lover's loss into her own dog lover's loss, her revelation completely changed the way I now listen to the song. I keep bursting out with spasms of laughter at the most inappropriate places, because, of course, I'm thinking of Sadie and Jingles and not a woman who lost a love.

The verse that most cracks me up now is this: Guess we never really had a prayer/There for just a moment it was heaven/And it's a kind of hell to stand here missing/Every kiss we never had/We should have had it all/And now you're gone . . .

And, as I'm snorting with ill-suppressed mirth in the front seat, Sadie's indignant voice rises from the back. "Hey Mom! Why are you laughing? This is a sad song. Stop your laughing!"

And I really ought to. Sadie's mourning -- while hilarious to me -- is so very real to her. And I love her sensitive little soul and her ability to feel such things so deeply. I can only hope that another dog will someday come into her life with whom she will finally have a chance to play fetch (and linger over dog biscuits).


*Sadie only views male/female relationships in terms of "husbands and wives" at this point.

Oops! I Did It Again! Carolyn Quiz the Third (And Possibly Last)

Okay, this is the third and (maybe) last time I'll post a quiz about Carolyn. That is, unless I find out a lot more trivia to tease the brains of other fans in the future. Anyway, relax and enjoy this latest (and goofiest) offering:

Carolyn Quiz the Third

Good luck and have fun!

The Persistent Widow and I

For the third time in as many years, I have asked the pastor at my church to host a Carolyn Arends/Spencer Capier concert.

I am awaiting his response.

I would lose heart except for the persistent widow in Luke 18:1-8. Though I have nothing to avenge and nothing to seek that can be called "justice," I have no doubt that eventually the time will be right for my church to experience the blessing of a CA/SC concert. My job is just to be faithful -- but never annoying or belligerent -- in pursuing the event. God will arrange the date.

Here's praying that that date is in 2007!

Jeffrey Overstreet: Being a Non-Carolyn Post About a Carolyn Colleague and One That Was Originally Written for Carolyn's Boards, But Ran Too Long

I was so fortunate as to attend a Seattle Chesterton Society meeting recently at Seattle Pacific University, at which the featured speaker was Carolyn's Christianity Today Movies colleague, Jeffrey Overstreet.

His new book is Through a Screen Darkly, and, though I haven't read it all yet (being knee-deep in my beloved and highly prolific Gilbert Keith Chesterton), I am appreciating his ability to take seriously and explore this idea of Madeleine L'Engle's: "Basically there can be no categories such as 'religious' art and 'secular' art because all true art is incarnational, and therefore 'religious.'" (Walking on Water, p. 19)

Here are some interesting thoughts (at least to me): Why have almost all of the movies made to serve Christians as a niche audience failed at the box office? Why, with Hollywood suddenly desperate to gain the entertainment dollar of believers and throwing money into such production companies as Fox Faith, has very little come out so far that will not burn up as stubble in the fire? And why, in 2004, was Mel Gibson's The Passion not on the CT Movie reviewers' top ten lists?*

I think one answer to these questions can be found in the reality of living within a holy mystery. When I begin to accept the subtlety of God's hand -- His poetic reticence that booms out in the stillness of creation -- I can no longer be satisfied by the sort of artifice that tries to force a religiously relevant experience under the cover of entertainment. Jeffrey Overstreet's main point seems to be that, for the faithful, spiritual themes in any great movie can not help but be recognized, because all art is, at its fountainhead, an expression from that same creative force that spoke the universe into existence.

Mr. Overstreet spoke passionately and entertainingly about this recently discovered "Christian niche market" and his belief that there is so much more to be gained spiritually from great art produced by non-believers than from bad art produced by Christians. Christians are not idiots -- flocking en masse to a pandering parade of sentimentality and banality. We have held claim to brotherhood with the greatest artists the world has ever seen; and these created from the wellspring of revealed truth within and not with an eye on converting the lost and getting their theological ducks in a row.

This was a fascinating presentation, and I am so grateful I was able to attend. It is always surprising to me to find out how many wonderful writers whom I admire live up here in the Seattle area or greater Pacific Northwest region. What a blessing to get to meet so many of them in person!


*This is a great story that Mr. Overstreet related in his presentation. I do not know if he included it in his book, but I hope it's there. All I can say is that Mark Moring is a brave man with loads of integrity. Of course, we rather knew that -- he is a Carolyn fan, after all.

Jacob and 2 Women

I first heard this song on the Rich Mullins tribute album in 1998. It was the first time I ever heard Carolyn sing.

I just got the first verse in this song a few weeks ago. Now, I feel totally lame.

Jacob he loved Rachel/And Rachel she loved him/And Leah was just there for dramatic effect/
Well, it's right there in the Bible/So it must not be a sin/But it sure does seem like an awful dirty trick/
And her sky is just a petal/Pressed in the book of memories/Of the time he thought he loved her/And they kissed
And her friends say, "He's a devil."/She says, "No, he is a dream."/And this is the world as best as I can remember it

I do not know why, but I always assumed the first verse was about Rachel. Of course, the song is "Jacob and 2 Women," but I always took the assertion that Leah was just there for dramatic effect as rather leaving her out of the song. Then, all of a sudden -- epiphany! The first verse is Leah's take on the famous Biblical triangle. Surely, in the tent after their wedding, before Jacob was disabused of his notion that he had married his true love, Rachel, he must have kissed Leah ("the time he thought he loved her and they kissed"). Of course Leah, always the despised (though very fruitful) wife would have treasured up this brief moment when she had received passion from her husband (though it was meant for her sister) in her internal book of memories.

The song makes much more sense now.

Carolyn Quiz the Second

Here's the next quiz.

Carolyn Arends Quiz the Second

Good luck!

Carolyn Quiz the First

Okay, this one is pretty easy, because I am pressed for time.

How well do you know your favorite recording artist, Carolyn Arends? Put your knowledge to the test in this quickie quiz:

Carolyn Arends Quiz

Good luck!

This One is For Matt Rabjohns of Poole, Great Britain

Matt, you are awesome. I love the way you have coined your own nickname for Carolyn Arends to use in your reviews on amazon.com: "Caz." That is such a cool moniker -- I hope you do not mind my borrowing it.

For those of you not familiar with Mr. Rabjohns, here are his enthusiastic amazon reviews*:

For I Can Hear You
5 Stars Debut of the Century, January 22, 2003
Reviewer: Matt Rabjohns (Poole, Great Britain) - See all my reviews I usually don't buy debut albums. Most seem not to have a finished quality to them. And some just don't have any good and well-written songs on them. But here is something different: A debut album with massive production and deep down, bright, and well-written songs. I first heard Carolyn's I Can Hear You when I was round my Auntie's place. She told my Dad, "You would like this CD," and so Dad took it; and then I heard it when I came home one day. The most awesome song that struck me right between the eyes was the brilliant "You Take My Soul By Storm" and to this day this is my fav song of Caz's! The other amazing standouts are the lovely quiet "Reaching" and the brilliant marriage-orientated "Home Fires Burning". The best heavier song has to be "The Power Of Love" -- amazing dulcimer and guitar on this song! All in all, a fantastic starting album that to me has an out of this world feel! Carolyn is destined for a great future!

For Feel Free
5 Stars: Getting Better, January 22, 2003
Reviewer: Matt Rabjohns (Poole, Great Britain) - See all my reviews
Didn't know what to expect when I first picked up this second release by Carolyn. Thought it would be lesser in sound and song strength. WRONG!! This CD is even better and is so different from her debut! I love people and artists who change and don't stay the same. The blend of rock and light jazz and even just a hint of country on "Do We Dare" is brill! This album has some of the best songs ever on it. Listen away to "Big Deal" and "This I know", they will blow you away. Lovely song about Mark, her hubbie, on this CD (although I think "The Day Will Never Come" on her next one is better; but still, this song is not flawed!). AWESOME! KEEP IT UP CAZ!

For This Much I Understand
5 Stars: The Best Effort So Far by Carolyn!, January 22, 2003
Reviewer: Matt Rabjohns (Poole, Great Britain) - See all my reviews
This is the best album, so far, by Caz. The songs are just out of this world and the strength of her writing is getting better and better each time. So, it starts with "Happy" -- this song has that almost supernatural touch which makes it stand apart from the rest of the album. Then comes "Life Is Long." "Go With God" is her best song with Connie Harrington so far, I think -- a lovely guitar section! "Life And Death" was an instant hit for me -- long and hard hitting -- and the rest of this amazing CD follows this trend.

I definitely think we, her fans, ought to make a concerted effort to refer to Carolyn as "Caz." It is so rock star!

*As I am a persnickety little geek, I edited a bit for grammar and punctuation and clarity. I realize that one of the dubious charms of cyber-writing is being freed from stodgy language rules to express one's self in the moment, but I simply cannot stand to let those rules go. This is more a reflection of me than of Mr. Rabjohns who, like Mary Poppins, is practically perfect in every way (at least as far as his Carolyn Arends fan-dom goes).

Vermonster Will Enjoy This . . .

Describe yourself using one band and song titles from that band
Choose a band/artist and answer only in song TITLES by that band::	Carolyn Arends
Are you male or female::	You Make Me Feel (Like a Natural Woman) (WBWFY)
Describe yourself::	Happy (TMIU)
How do some people feel about you::	It's Out of My Hands (T)
How do you feel about yourself::	Even the Wallflowers (TMIU)
Describe your ex-boyfriend::	Just Pretending (PA)
Describe your current love::	Good Thing Going (FF)
Describe where you want to be::	(I Wanna) Go Somewhere With You (T)
Describe what you want to be::	Getting Ready for Glory (UTG)
Describe how you live::	Seize the Day (ICHY)
Describe how you love::	They Will Know We Are Christians (By Our Love) (STDAOS)
Share a few words of wisdom:	Dance Like No One's Watching (T)
Take this survey Find more surveys Bzoink - The Original Survey Site

One-Syllable Words

To listen to us talk you'd think
Twenty-dollar words are cheap
But answers can't be bought for any tender

Constantly we complicate
Pointlessly pontificate
'Til things are getting worse instead of better

Look at how far we've come
Maybe we could learn some

One-syllable words
Faith, hope, and love
Truth, peace, and trust
One-syllable words
That's what we need
That's what we need
Yeah.
(Carolyn Arends, "One-Syllable Words," from This Much I Understand, Reunion Records 1999)

It's really quite fun to come across a Carolyn Arends inspiration in my day-to-day reading. Finding the ideas behind my favorite song, "Do We Dare?" in Madeleine L'Engle's book, Walking on Water: Reflections on Faith and Art was a delightful surprise. Of course, recognizing the influence of C.S. Lewis on such songs as "Surprised By Joy" and "Not a Tame Lion" is rather a no-brainer, but it still brings that smile of a shared reference to the lips of the listener.

Now, I cannot say with certainty that one of my husband's all-time favorite Carolyn Arends songs, "One-Syllable Words," was definitely inspired by G.K. Chesterton, but I do believe that she was most likely reading or re-reading Orthodoxy sometime in the late 1990's. In Chapter VIII, "The Romance of Orthodoxy," when reading his assertion that what is considered the bustle and strenuousness of the modern age is really a profound laziness and fatigue that disguises as busy-ness a dearth of real activity and productivity (1908 sounds -- in this regard and in many others discussed throughout Orthodoxy -- quite a bit like 2006) I found these surprisingly familiar ideas:

And this which is true of the apparent physical bustle is true also of the apparent bustle of the intellect. Most of the machinery of modern language is labour-saving machinery; and it saves mental labour very much more than it ought. Scientific phrases are used like scientific wheels and piston-rods to make swifter and smoother yet the path of the comfortable. Long words go rattling by us like long railway trains. We know they are carrying thousands who are too tired or too indolent to walk and think for themselves. It is good exercise to try for once in a way to express any opinion one holds in words of one syllable. . . . The long words are not the hard words, it is the short words that are hard. There is much more metaphysical subtlety in the word "damn" than in the word "degeneration." (Image Books Edition, 2001; p. 129-130) (Emphasis mine)

I'll never forget Jason's reaction when he first heard, "One-Syllable Words." He was at UCLA at the time, and he was taking a particularly annoying English course. He heard Carolyn sing, "Psycho-babble, legal-ese/People earning Ph.D.s in/Post-modern paranoid confusion/Self-indulgent rhetoric/Talk and talk until we're sick/Our arguments end with no conclusion/Can't we make the point clear/Maybe what we need here/Are one-syllable words . . ." I think a lot of his frustration with certain classes and professors at school came into clear focus then. My husband is a plain-spoken man. His degree is in Economics. He hates verbal gobblety-gook. That was the day, I think, that he really gave Carolyn a chance and stopped laughing at the "lie-dee-die-dee-dies" in "Seize the Day." And as I type the lyrics out, I am again astounded and humbled by Carolyn's magnificent wordplay. She is indeed a master craftsman of words, whether multi-syllabic or not.

This is almost entirely unrelated, but "One-Syllable Words" always reminds me of an incident in the Amy Grant video, Building the House of Love. One of her smarmy producers is complimenting her excessively after a recording take, while at the same time trying to weasel in that he needed another take with a few changes made. Amy Grant kind of cut through his crap when she sighed and said, "Just tell me what you want me to sing." I always liked that moment of non-diva-ness from Ms. Grant. "Just tell me what you want me to sing." Just say what you want to say. Let's get it out there and not dance around in an elaborate deception of trying to manipulate with words.

I think the ending of Carolyn's song is the best philosophy of living ever written. And it is all in one-syllable words:

Faith and hope and love
Truth and peace and trust
Dream and play and watch and pray
Learn and live and laugh and give
Reach and fly and seek and try
With all your heart and soul and mind
Oh yeah.

Christmas: An Irrational Season

Christmas: An Irrational Season by Carolyn Arends, 2004

2004 was a stellar year to be a Carolyn Arends fan. Not only did we get an all-new-material regular album, Under the Gaze, we also got the long-awaited, eagerly-anticipated Christmas release, Christmas: An Irrational Season. Sometimes, when you wait a long time for something and it finally comes, your expectations have overwhelmed the possibilities of the awaited thing, and bitter disappointment ensues. Well, I am happy to report that this album bucks that trend. Christmas: An Irrational Season is a glorious tribute, as only Carolyn Arends could create, to that miraculous moment when eternity crashed headlong into time and produced such an awe-inspiring symphonic note that it has reverberated for more than two thousand years through the minds and souls of men. How fortunate we are that Carolyn does not hide her light under a bushel!

For the past ten years, Carolyn's church has asked her to write a song for their Christmas service. As Carolyn wryly notes, this sounded like a great idea the first couple of years. But if Carolyn's tongue-in-cheek observation speaks of a weariness of culling the ancient story for new inspiration, you would never know it by listening to the original songs she includes on this album. The album's unusual title was taken from a Madeleine L'Engle poem, "After Anunciation," and both the prelude and postlude tracks echo its beautiful refrain: This is the irrational season/When love blooms bright and wild/For if Mary had been filled with reason/There'd have been no room for the Child/There'd have been no room for the Child. Carolyn's sotto voice suits so well this poem turned lyric, and Spencer Capier comes in with a haunting violin solo of "What Child is This." And the mood is set for a truly unique Christmas experience.

The first of the original offerings follows the prelude. "Come and See" (Christmas 2003) is a spirited song that conveys the excitement of shepherds who have been heralded by angels and are now abuzz -- passing the glorious news onto friends and family as they make their way to the stable: Have you heard, have you heard/All the rumors are true/Spread the word, spread the word/This is such good news/The dream is not a dream anymore/Nothing is the same as before/Come and see, come and see/He is lying in the straw/He's a new baby boy who's the hope of us all/Come and hear, come and hear/It's a sound both sweet and strange/It's the great love of God in the cry of babe/It's the great love of God in the cry of a babe.

Next in line is another original, "Do Not Be Afraid" (Christmas 1995). While reminding the listener of the exhortation every angel who appears to man begins with -- Do not be afraid! -- Carolyn ties that idea into our modern celebration of the Incarnation: Half believing, half afraid/We celebrate the story/Our lives seem about a world away/From angels and their glory/Open our eyes to see what Mary saw somehow/Open our hearts to hear those angels even now/They're singing: Do not be afraid/Oh do not be afraid/Love has found its way to you/So do not be afraid.

Next comes the first cover of a classic on the album, "Angels We Have Heard on High." This rollicking rendition is the best I've ever heard of this song -- lots of jamming drums and guitars. It's always fun when Carolyn jumps into rock star mode and goes crazy. Sweet.

The next track is another cover, this time of a more modern song, "Christmas Must Be Tonight," by Robbie Robertson. This is probably my least favorite track on the album. Carolyn's smooth soft voice seems suited to this subdued, folksy carol, but I find the lyrics particularly unlikable. First of all, I have very little patience with songs that pretend that Jesus was born in the winter. Yes, I know that we celebrate His birth in the winter (or the summer in Australia and other lands south of the Equator), but most Biblical scholars agree that the Birth most likely occured in the spring. I love Christmas carols that have a wintry theme, so long as they do not intimate that the actual Event was in winter. But that is a small quarrel. My great disagreement is with the complete want of sense that the lyrics make when put together in the song. Individual lines may be good, but they are very disjointed when put next to each other. What do you think? Saw it with my own eyes/Written up in the sky/But why a lowly herdsman such as I/But then it came to pass/He was born at last/Right below the star that shines on high/How a little baby boy/Could bring the people so much joy/Son of a carpenter/Mary carried the light/This must be Christmas, must be tonight. Yeah, whatever.

The next song on the list, "Is Bethlehem Too Far Away" (Christmas 2002), brings us back to the superior song-writing of Carolyn Arends. A lovely, quiet song, asking whether we can Find our way to the baby King/Can we worship Him now in the hay/And can we believe He can change everything/Or is Bethlehem too far away?

The next track is one of my very favorites, and proof, if proof were needed, that Carolyn has not worn out the theme of Christmas when it comes to songwriting. "Now in Flesh Appearing" (Christmas 2004) never fails to bring tears to my eyes. Fast forward the Christmas Story 2000 years, and you find the stories of those who do not find Bethlehem far away at all. We learn of Joshua, who volunteers at the Union Gospel Mission, sharing soup and conversation with some strangers/And all his friends just can't believe/How he spends his Christmas Eve/He says it brings him closer to the manger. Next, we learn of Lisa who is a missionary abroad, working with orphans, hugging all those kids/Teaching them what Christmas is/And though her family misses her they know/That this is Christmas/A hand upon a shoulder/Christmas/...a little peace on earth/This is Christmas/The sweet love of Jesus/Now in flesh appearing, yeah. This is, I believe I can state with confidence, the only Christmas song in the world to include a rhyming line with "Kazakhstan." My favorite lines from the song: We celebrate the Baby King/And everything He came to bring/Every time we give goodwill to men/So on December 25/Or in the middle of July/Any time we do what pleases Him/Then it's Christmas/Merry Christmas/This is Christmas/Now in flesh appearing ... Amen.

Another tear-jerker follows on the heels of the above. "My First Christmas" (Christmas 2000) is the story of a woman's life, and all of the first Christmases she experiences. She is a baby in 1923, whose parents snap a photo and write on the back, "This is my first Christmas." Next she is a young woman who experiences a holy transformation on Christmas Eve in 1944, her first Christmas as a believer. Lastly, this "November past," she slips into the next world, and though The great-grandchildren miss her so/But if she could she would let them know/This is my first Christmas ... I first heard this song a couple years after I had lost my mother (in November) and this ministered to my hurting heart. I like to think of my mother's 1998 Christmas: First time to hear the angels sing/Glory, hallelujah to the Risen King/And a holy night is what this is/For this is [her] first Christmas.

Next up is that soulful perennial, "Go Tell It On the Mountain." You have not heard anything until you've heard a bunch of white Canadians getting funky on an African-American classic. It works, because they are having a lot of fun, and they are working it. Aw yeah!

The next track is one dear to my heart. Too often, Joseph's role in the Christmas story is diminished. Take, for instance, the modern classic "Breath of Heaven: Mary's Song" written by Amy Grant and Chris Eaton. It is a beautiful song, but it has one annoying line: In a world as cold as stone/Must I walk this path alone? Well, Mary was not alone, the Lord gave her a wonderful husband, a faithful man whose obedience is as important as Mary's in the Story, for if she had not had Joseph to stand by her and protect her, she would have been an outcast indeed. Carolyn's song, "The Lord's Servant" (Christmas 2001), gives the often-overlooked Joseph's part of the story due consideration. We must not forget that he, too, was the Lord's servant. And, with the way she has, Carolyn draws out the Story's relevance for today: It's been 2000 years/And yet you play a part/The Messiah still comes/If there's room in your heart/And if you are willing/Then our God is able/He sent His salvation/Down to a stable/So love can be born/And peace can be yours/If you'll be the Lord's servant/Oh will you be the Lord's servant?

The next song is a cover of a classic Christmas hymn. "Come Thou Long-Expected Jesus," written by Charles Wesley and Rowland H. Prichard, is given the most simple of arrangements by Carolyn, which emphasizes the gorgeous structure of language in the lyrics, the perfect balance of the melody, and Carolyn's own gentle voice. Israel's strength and consolation/Hope of all the earth Thou art/Dear desire of every nation/Joy of ev'ry longing heart. Pure lovliness -- you would want this sung as a solo at midnight service on Christmas Eve.

The last full-length song on the album is also an original Arends tune. "A Christmas Blessing" (Christmas 1999) is Carolyn's benediction to her listeners across the miles and the years. May the One who has come guide you and keep you/May you seek His face as all wise men still do/And may Bethlehem's road rise up to meet you/'Til you find Him and see that God is with you/May you find Him and see that God is with you. Words to ring throughout the Christmas season and in your heart the whole year through.

The delicate yet rich strains that echo out of the strings of Spencer Capier's violin begin the last track in a reprise of "What Child is This," and Carolyn repeats the lines with which she began this amazing album: This is the irrational season/When love blooms bright and wild/For if Mary had been filled with reason/There'd have been no room for the Child/There'd have been no room for the Child. What a journey this recording invites you to join! My no-holds-barred, absolute favorite Christmas album -- there is nothing else like it in all the CD bins at any music store anywhere.

**The bulk of this review appeared in The Musings of Justine, last December.**

The Best Cover and Possible Future Covers

Carolyn hasn't done too many covers. The ones that I can think of are as follows:

"Jacob and 2 Women" by Rich Mullins, on Awesome God: A Tribute to Rich Mullins
"River of Love" by T-Bone Burnett, on Travelers
"Love is So Blind" by Mark Heard, on Orphans of God: A Tribute to Mark Heard
"To See Your Face" by Mark Heard, on Pollyanna's Attic
"I've Got a Hope" by Eric Fiedor and Pierce Pettis, on Pollyanna's Attic
"(You Make Me Feel Like A) Natural Woman" by Carole King, on We've Been Waiting For You
"Forever Young" by Bob Dylan, on We've Been Waiting for You
"Christmas Must Be Tonight" by Robbie Robertson, on Christmas: An Irrational Season

I do not think that you could classify some of the songs she has recorded that were written by others as "covers." There are the hymns "They Will Know We Are Christians" and "Leaning on the Everlasting Arms" which would not be called "covers," since they are widely done in churches. The same goes for "Go Tell It On The Mountain" and "Angels We Have Heard on High." "You Bring Me Joy," on Sing Me To Sleep, Mommy, was an original song by another songwriter, but I do not know if it's ever been recorded elsewhere.

Anyway, my vote for the best cover is "Love is So Blind." I just love everything about that song. She sings it so well with so much energy in her voice, and the arrangement is fabulous. I've never heard the original recording by Mark Heard, but it's hard to imagine that it is better than Carolyn's interpretation. It's a cool song. Go and buy it from iTunes -- well worth the 99¢!

As for possible future covers, I'd love to see her do some more interpretations of Rich Mullins's songs, since she was so close to him and probably has a head full of fresh ideas for those beloved songs. I'd especially love to hear her reinvent "Let Mercy Lead" or "Alrightokuhhuhamen." I would also get a kick out of what she might do with any of Keith Green's tunes. Far out!

Just Pretending -- Take Two

I just re-read my post about "Just Pretending" from Pollyanna's Attic, and I've re-thought or expounded on a couple different things.

The first is that we cannot hide from God. Too often, we think that the outward things are keeping God from seeing our true selves. In this context, the ideas of not being who we are and "just pretending" are pitiful self-delusion.

I try to close my eyes like a child, playing at a game of hide-and-seek
If I cannot see the Lord, then truly Lord, You cannot see me.
--Jennifer Knapp, "Romans"

To this end, "Just Pretending" makes sense. We cannot get our lives right before we come to the Lord. We can only get ourselves honest enough to admit we need Him, and then come to Him with humilty and gratitude. When it comes to our Heavenly Father, we are just prolonging our pain unless we can "just be who we are."

The second thing is that life is indeed a potent concoction of "mess and mystery." I think my quarrel with "Just Pretending" is that so often today, people see the inherent messiness of it all as an excuse to unload their entire self-destructive ethos upon society at large. That is a denial of the Spirit of self-control, and it troubles me greatly. I am pretty certain that Carolyn no more thinks the object of "being real" consists of "vomiting our wretchedness" upon the general public any more than I. I just differ from her in thinking that people today need very little encouragement to "get real" and need far more encouragement to exhibit propriety.

A third thing that comes to mind is the statistics that show that if people in an unhappy marriage are able to grit their teeth and stick with it for five more years, most couples find that their marriage will undergo a transformation into a positive and happy union. In essence, a determination to "just pretend" -- to go through the motions without the feeling behind them -- can be an amazingly beneficial one for the "pretenders" and society as a whole. A more prosaic example is the wrestling that I have every few weeks or so, wherein I have no desire to attend church services. (A heathenistic lifestyle dies hard.) I grit my teeth and "pretend" to like it, and the Holy Spirit never fails to make that charade a reality.

Anyway, those are three things I wanted to add to my post about "Just Pretending." Never have any other writer's songs stuck in my craw the way, for better or worse, that so many of Carolyn Arends's have. What a testament to her songwriting abilities!

Just Pretending

I think that one of the reasons that I wanted to start this fan blog was the song "Just Pretending" from Pollyanna's Attic. For those of you who stumbled unwittingly onto this Carolyn Arends blog, Pollyanna's Attic (PA) was released this past May (on time, too!) and is a collection of songs that Carolyn had held "close to [her] heart but had never recorded." The songs are a little bit darker and "grumpier" than her usual fare, but they are nonetheless masterful expressions of certain ideas that contribute to her Weltanschauung. PA is not one of my favorite albums, but I would be a fool not to see and appreciate the lyrical and musical artistry therein. But, this post is not a review of PA. This post is an argument against the ideas of "Just Pretending."

I was reading an editorial in the Wall Street Journal from September 1, 2006, entitled "Survivor Strategy." This article, about the current season of Survivor's dividing teams along racial lines, was not signed by any particular author, but it was a wise article, indeed. When I read the following sentence, my jaw dropped, because I had never before read someone so succinctly state an idea that had festered in my mind for years: "The therapeutic ethos of recent years has encouraged each of us to get every thought off our chest, lest we suffer from the ordeal of civility." That gave me a jumping off point to articulate why Carolyn's song, "Just Pretending," has really bugged me these past few months.

First of all, the song is brilliant. The lyrics are funny and pointed and very economical. The music is catchy and memorable. She sings it, of course, wonderfully. But, I think, at least in my experience, the point of the song is off-base, off-kilter, misguided. Here are the lyrics:

Just Pretending
Carolyn Arends and Spencer Capier
Nice shirt, and khaki chinos
Dessert and cappuccinos
SUV, he looks good in it
Driving past his credit limit
She's climbing that Stairmaster
Up to Happy Ever After
Though she never seems to get there
She can't stop
No she can't stop
Why do we try so hard?
Life's not some greeting card
Models and movie stars
They're just pretending
They're just pretending
Family full of achievers
Beat the Jones and be the Cleavers
Give the lawn a manicure
No rough edges, that's for sure
Sunday the whole congregation
Doesn't seem to need salvation
Everybody's just terrific
All the time
All the time
Why do we try so hard?
Life's not some greeting card
Models and movie stars
They're just pretending
They're just pretending
Everybody's under pressure
Got to get our acts together
Living out these scripted roles
Tidy and predictable
What if we just all agreed
To wear our hearts on wrinkled sleeves
And live the mess and mystery
Of a real life
Live real life
Why do we try so hard?
Life's not some greeting card
If we're not who we are
We're just pretending
Why do we try so hard?
Life's not some greeting card
Models and all those movie stars
They're just pretending
They're just pretending
© Songs of Peer, LTD./Mr. Marley's Music (ASCAP)/ Spencer Capier Music (SOCAN)

Two different themes of this song are mistaken, I believe. The first is the idea that everyone has this deeper self that they hide from the world in order to conform with society. I think that, for a majority of people, their fancy car, their lovely house, their chisled bodies really are the things that are foremost in their minds -- not masks of conventionality, but faces of such. It is not for everyone to contemplate the mysteries of the universe. Many people are happy in the shallow waters and would drown in the deep. It is easy to forgive Carolyn and Spencer this point, though. They are artists and are, therefore, more likely to think that everyone wrestles with the whys and ways of the world as much as they.

The second idea is that we have this great obligation to "be who we are" to the world at large. I think that this is one of the more selfish notions of recent years -- that everyone we meet must become burdened with the burdens under which we labor. Call me a throwback to Jane Austen's time, but I think that it is uncivilized merely to grouse to strangers and prostrate ourselves weeping in the presence of casual acquaintances. I have always been more sense than sensibility, I suppose. Nobody wanted to smack Marianne Dashwood more than I throughout that whole novel.

I need to remind myself that Carolyn is from Canada, and maybe in Canada people live these stifled lives of quiet desperation. If so, I might have to move up there, because they certainly do not here in America. Every little pecadillo, every dirty thought or sinful action, is not only brought out to the public in the harsh light of day, but often it is celebrated. I think of that former governor of New Jersey, Jim McGreevey, whose disgusting personal debaucheries are making the circuit of talk shows on his tour promoting the book wherein he lovingly detailed them. Or that vile Mark Foley who circumvented as best he could accepting responsibility for being a degenerate by revealing that he'd been, a) molested by a priest and b) was an alcoholic, anyway. Or those more than five thousand women who just had to let the world know in petition form that, heck yes, they murdered their babies in the womb, and heck yes, they sure were so proud of that fact that they had to shout it out. Here are nasty people who did nasty things either ducking responsibility by revealing intensely personal things to the world or celebrating their nastiness by reveling in the intensely personal things. They do not take the form of "confessions," which are good for the soul and necessary, I believe, but rather are shameless declarations of moral relativism that, frankly, make me wish to puke.

Civility is conscientious self-control, and self-control is the earmark of civilization. You simply cannot have a functioning society wherein people vomit their wretchedness upon the world at large. We have seen, here in America, our culture devolve into a cesspool wherein vice is treated as disease, i.e. without fault attached, and those things which ought to be hidden away deep within for the Holy Spirit to work on are flaunted as quirky eccentricities. Indeed, this country has been a place where people feel, unfortunately, very comfortable "just be[ing] who [they] are." And no one is shamed into suffering the ordeal of civility.

That is not to say that each person ought not to have a safe network of family and friends in which they can be who they are. Jane Austen confided everything to her older sister, Cassandra; and Cassandra prudently destroyed the more personal aspects of those letters upon Jane's death. Now, to scholars and fans of Miss Austen, this loss of the completely unreserved Jane is painful and frustrating; but, I cannot help but believe in my heart that Cassandra was justified in protecting the personal parts of Jane from the world, and, indeed, the world from the more personal side of Jane. It was, in a way, an act of grace, because, within grace, the unclean parts are made clean and wholeness is revealed where fractured shambles were formerly assembled. Jane was allowed wholeness in her relationship with Cassandra, and Cassandra made the Jane of history cleansed in return.

This grace cannot be found, though, in a defiant display of our sin to the greater world, because, instead of cleansing the sinner and restoring the good, it rips apart the moral fabric of society and draws the culture further into the murky morass of relativism and unaccountability. How much worse off American culture is today after generations of people who not only wore their hearts on wrinkled sleeves, but on filthy, shredded, bloodied sleeves! We are not only worse off, we are on the edge of decay.

Maybe I'm reading too much into the lyrics of "Just Pretending." It is, after all, merely a song -- a good song at that. My wish is that more people felt obligated to try a little harder. To live their lives in a more tidy and predictable fashion. To keep their lawns mowed and their bodies reasonably in shape (especially if they insist on wearing spandex). To save their deeper, darker secrets and desires for their best friends and their families, and not to unleash those burdens on the world at large. To feel more pressure to get their acts together and be better citizens and not make society and others pay the price for their bad decisions and hurtful actions. A little pretending is not a bad thing, it can keep a person doing what is right instead of what he feels. That is one of the cornerstones of a righteous society, and it is one that we need to reclaim.