This is an involved, but I think very funny, story that requires two pieces of background information. Because the first of those is knowledge of Carolyn Arends's B-Side, "A Chance to Dance," which is a lot more difficult to explain than the second, I'll write this story for Carolyn's fans.
"A Chance to Dance" was written by Carolyn Arends for a "The West Wing" episode. Apparently, there was a character on this show that was in the very early stages of a new relationship with someone who then died unexpectedly. I never have watched that program, but the scenario is evident by Carolyn's lyrics: Now you're gone/What am I supposed to do?/I was just getting good at loving you/So how do I let go/Of what I never got to hold?/We never even had a chance to dance.
Sadie, my daughter who has a very definite morbid streak in her, absolutely loves this song. She's always asking me to play the song "about the woman whose husband* died before they got to dance." Then, she sits back with an euphoric expression and drinks in the sad, wistful words and the emotional music.
One day, while we were listening to this song again in the car, Sadie sighed and said, "I love this song. It makes me think of Jingles." My jaw dropped. "What?" I exclaimed.
Jingles was Rylee's dog. More exactly, Jingles was Rylee's mom and dad's dog. Rylee is the little baby girl we nanny part-time. When we first started to watch her, we'd go over to her house and see Jingles there -- eighteen years old, senile, and incontinent. Now, Sadie loves dogs. She dreams of them, seeks them out, and longs for one of her own. She was so excited that Rylee had a dog -- a dog we could visit with anytime.
But, you see, Jingles was so very old and rather sick. She had to wear a diaper in the house and spend most of her day locked in the family's downstairs bathroom. She was getting grumpy and nippy, in the way that dogs do when their losses of smell and hearing are leaving them feeling vulnerable and scared. With tears and sorrow, two months after we started watching Rylee, her mom and dad made the decision to put Jingles to sleep.
Eventually, I had to tell Sadie that the next time we went to Rylee's house Jingles would not be there. Sadie cried and cried, but she became reconciled to it by the next morning. I'll admit that I did not spend any more time or thought on that aged canine. Not so Sadie.
Apparently, when Sadie had first been introduced to Jingles, she began to make plans about their future fun together. The thwarting of those plans by cruel mortality affected her deeply. In the anguished reflections of what-had-never-been that Carolyn wrote for a television character, Sadie found an outlet for her grief. And so, when Sadie mentioned that the song reminded her of Jingles, upon my questioning her, she added this:
"I think of Jingles, because we never had a chance to play fetch together; and I never got to pet her and brush her; and I never got to feed her treats or take her for a walk."
And, while I was impressed with her transference of a lover's loss into her own dog lover's loss, her revelation completely changed the way I now listen to the song. I keep bursting out with spasms of laughter at the most inappropriate places, because, of course, I'm thinking of Sadie and Jingles and not a woman who lost a love.
The verse that most cracks me up now is this: Guess we never really had a prayer/There for just a moment it was heaven/And it's a kind of hell to stand here missing/Every kiss we never had/We should have had it all/And now you're gone . . .
And, as I'm snorting with ill-suppressed mirth in the front seat, Sadie's indignant voice rises from the back. "Hey Mom! Why are you laughing? This is a sad song. Stop your laughing!"
And I really ought to. Sadie's mourning -- while hilarious to me -- is so very real to her. And I love her sensitive little soul and her ability to feel such things so deeply. I can only hope that another dog will someday come into her life with whom she will finally have a chance to play fetch (and linger over dog biscuits).
*Sadie only views male/female relationships in terms of "husbands and wives" at this point.
1 comment:
Well, now you've done it....when I listen to this song, I see the scene that it was written for (avid WW viewer), I see CJ and the agent flirting back and forth but not yet a couple because he his her Secret Service protector and she is the protectee. The song is a perfet fit for background music. The scene plays out like this: the man, is assigned to a CJ after threats were made toward her. Over several episodes the issue is resolved and now they can finally, possibly, take their relationship past work and into personal. He is returning to the office when he walks into a holdup at a convenience store. In an attempt to defuse the situation, he is shot in the line of duty.
The song speaks of her dreams of what could have been if only they had the chance.
But where will my thoughts go now?? To a dog. Yup, thanks, that's gonna stick areound for a while.
Now the serious side, how fortunate you are to have a child with such a tender heart. That is a true gift from God!
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